Nursery times 2

Today I went back to work after 18 months of maternity leave (well, the cold, hard fact is, I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave, but let’s ignore that). 

As I walked home (that’s right, no dodgy commute, just a meander through leafy Hove), I felt so incredibly emotional. I’m a cry baby anyway (I’m sure I’ve mentioned my tearful John Lewis advert moments/sniffles at people dying on Neighbours/sobbing to La La Land?), but this felt like such a mix of feelings. Rex spent an entire day cared for by nursery staff! – You see he’s only spent time with friends and family before, this was a big deal. 

Audrey is a nursery pro – she started at 10 months and save a few tears at pick up (when she realised we left her!), she’s always been an easy-going sort; she took to it like a rubber ducky to kids’ bath time and we never looked back.

Rex has been a bit more clingy in general and at 16 months he’s at a trickier age than she was, but, nursery settling sessions went well. So I wasn’t crazy-nervous about him starting and to be honest second time around you’re much more willing for your kids to fly or fall. But when lunchtime arrived I realised I was keen to check in and hear from nursery that he was having a good time (which he was).

Once the day came to an end I was excited to get home to see my family. It was a good feeling because it is so rare that I get to miss Rex. Audrey has been going to nursery twice a week and on those days I get very excited for her to come home… clearly every day I cannot wait for my husband to get home, but for Rex… well we just don’t get very long breaks from one another to miss each other. What a novelty. I missed him. Amazing.

In many ways I’m one of those mums that complains about how I’m always with my kids and that I have no time for me, but then doesn’t let others look after them. I fear leaving them, it’s a control thing and I’m working on it. Walking down the street alone on a mild summer evening was pretty awesome. I started daydreaming about dates with Ted, maybe going for a run; just time without kids that I haven’t “allowed” myself before.

Getting home (5 minutes before my crew), I really got the “sight for sore eyes” phrase. Wow. My beautiful children arrived home with their Daddy, full of smiles and lots of shouting “Mummy!!”, it was wonderful. Rex was very clingy, but in such a lovely way and I got lots of cuddles and kisses.

For anyone wondering if working (and this is only part time to be clear) after having children is a good idea… thinking; will you feel guilty? Will it be difficult to do something other than wipe bums and faces? Will my children suffer? Well, in my experience, working or just having a regular activity away from your children is a great idea (insert thumbs up emoji here). I just feel like I’ve had a boost and that both my children seemed lovelier because I didn’t spend the day with them! Ha. 

Check them out in pics below – Rexy got for a balloon on his first day and he loves balloons!

Let’s Talk About Rex, Baby


Typical kids. No exclamation mark, no tut or eye roll; I’m talking about “normal” children (what I would have called them before learning comfortable language for those of us with “special” children), they just “get on”. They just “do”. It’s amazing and annoying at the same time.

Before 6 months Rex was commando crawling, at 6 months he had mastered proper crawling. At 7 months he could pull to stand. At around 8 months he was cruising the furniture. At 9 months he could easily walk with a walker or even the lightweight toy buggy. At 10 months he took his first independent steps, said “Da Da” at his daddy and signed “milk” before bedtime.

At 10 months Audrey could roll, sit with support and er, not sure if she had mastered anything else by then… She was still in 3-6 months clothing bless her. Ahh, but she was sleeping through! Take that Rex!

I’m proud of both my children. In many ways I’m more proud of Audrey because everything she learns she learns after a lot of hard work. And so it feels like Rex is privileged somehow, which I know is ridiculous. But wow, his walking. He takes a few steps, we celebrate and then he keeps taking those steps. He needs no encouragement and there’s no complaining, because he wants to walk, he is good at it, so he likes doing it.

So here we are at the 12 month mark – Happy Birthday Rexy!

You walk. You’ve already fed yourself with a spoon, signed:

Milk

More

Blueberries

Banana

Audrey

Mummy

Daddy

Finished

Er, I think that’s it, but wow.

You’ve been a challenge (into EVERYTHING),  but you are a beautiful boy and I just know that once you stop pinching and hair pulling, you and Audrey will be best buds.

You can dance like a good ‘un.

You love tickles.

You’ve got 4 teeth on the top and 3 on the bottom.

Actually, you get a very sore bottom. I’m looking into creams… oh and you always play with your winky when I change your nappy… can you tell I’m embarrassing you on purpose now?

You have already hinted at tantrums (not something I’m used to), you don’t like giving up toys or sitting in a still buggy. You don’t like having your face wiped and you get frustrated by toys.

We love you Rex.

A belated hello to 2017!

2016; quite a year.

It started well, with a lovely bit of maternity leave when Audrey napped and on nursery days I could go to the cinema or sit and drink hot chocolate alone. Or nap. Or stare into space. Basically just “be” without a child around.

Then February came; Rex arrived! He turned our lives completely upside down and took me from tired mummy to completely-shattered-and-almost-broken-mummy.

Both my children took their first independent steps! Audrey in October, aged 3 and 3 months, Rex in December aged 10 months and 4 days. 

I’ve was so very low at times last year and sometimes too focussed on that. I am looking forward to feeling more positive, as Rex sleeps more and they both become more independent. 

I have been wishing away the baby days, but please be assured I have also taken time to appreciate Rex’s delicious baby head, his tiny toes, they way he looks at me whilst having his milk, they way he needs a cuddle after a fall… all of his good baby stuff I will remember, I know I’ll miss it, but I am so excited about this summer. Two walking children!

Rex has started saying “Dada” more often and even aimed it at Ted, so we are taking that as his first word. I’m probably more excited that he has signed “milk” and “more”. We love Makaton.

In the meantime, Audrey’s talking is coming along fantastically and she surprises every day with new words and clever phrases. “Audrey’s so happy”, “Rex, what’s wrong? D’you need a duddle?” … as I type this she is playing with a doll saying “You done a wee wee? Do a wee wee in the potty? Say goodbye to everyone”. She’s a star.

Scarily 2017 would be the year Audrey goes to school, but we have made the decision to defer her until next year, giving her extra time to be potty trained, be a strong walker and generally close the gap between her and her peers. We have picked a local mainstream school and fee very strongly that Audrey will thrive there. She loves learning through play, she is a goody-two-shoes and I think she will be popular at primary school.

Anyway, let’s get 2017 out of the way first. I need to find a job so that could lead me down a new path. And once Rex turns a corner and learns a bit about being gentle and sharing, he and Audrey will be great playmates.

Cheers!
My two crazies.

Great or managed expectations?

I have a question for mothers of children with Down’s Syndrome; is knowledge power? Do you prepare for the worst or simply expect the best?

I follow a lot of families with the extra chromosome in the mix. I see the highs and lows of parenting (full stop). I also see the highs and lows of parenting a child with special needs.

Sometimes I see stuff that scares me. I start analysing Audrey, or worse; start Googling.

Something that has played on my mind recently is “sensory overload”… Children with DS who are unable to cope in noisy/busy environments. Concerts. Parades. Carnivals. Festivals. Stuff that’s fun. 

We’ve had a taste of Audrey reacting negatively to situations like this when she got upset at the (very noisy) Children’s Parade and sometimes she complains when things are “too loud”. The thing is, lots of kids might get upset by a loud parade, but because she has Down’s Syndrome, it’s the condition that gets the blame. 

We went to a pirate birthday party and Audrey was especially clingy and wouldn’t eat her food (even though chocolate, yoghurt and fruit were on offer – her faves!). She only really relaxed when all the kids went outside to hit a piƱata and we stayed inside and “Let it Go” started playing. 

And then there’s the family-friendly gig we went to (with ear defenders) and she just stared with her mouth open the whole time. She at least clapped after every song, but for Audrey, our little groover, it was odd. She usually goes mad for live music, but instead she looked more “special needs” than I had ever seen her.

And I feel it’s a double edged sword – everyone either assuming she’s gentle/placid/agreeable (she’s not always like that by the way) because of the Down’s Syndrome….

Or when she is moaning or whining like a typical 3 year old would, I feel worried about people thinking it’s a kid with special needs losing the plot. That they are looking at me and thinking “Poor woman, I bet that kid is hard work”. If she were a typical child, it would just be that Audrey is having a standard tantrum.

Recently it was bonfire night and we went to a friend’s house for fireworks. We did forget the ear defenders, but to be honest, I don’t think they would have made much difference- fireworks set off in a small garden are and absolute assault on the senses! Audrey didn’t like them at all and Rex wasn’t keen either, in fact Audrey’s 2 year old friend came inside to escape too. But one of our friends was very much singling out Audrey as having a problem with them, you could hear from her tone she was suggesting that it’s an issue for Audrey because she has Down’s Syndrome. And that grates to be honest. It’s frustrating that we can’t escape her syndrome sometimes.

I guess I used to assume everything was just Audrey being Audrey, but as time goes on, I’m wondering; should I prepare for stuff that kids with Down’s Syndrome typically encounter? Maybe I should stop fighting it and accept that DS makes her more prone to being a certain way?

I read a post from a local lady, who was upset because she cannot leave the house alone with her 12 year old son (who has DS); it’s too hard – he runs off. It’s dangerous because he runs across busy roads and she can’t keep up. Other mums commented to say that were in the same boat, one even described her son as like “Iron Man” – she can no longer cope with his strength. I just tortured myself by reading the whole thread – kids that throw things, sit down and refuse to move, don’t sleep until the early hours…

I look at Audrey, our gentle, usually careful little girl and cannot imagine her becoming an out of control runner, toy thrower or rubbish sleeper… But I worry about it regardless. Mostly I see a bright future of cuddles and fun with Audrey, but the worry creeps in sometimes. It’s natural and it’s enhanced when a condition gives you clues as to how human might be. 

And as she grows, she learns and she starts pushing boundaries, so I’m getting used to Audrey causing more trouble than she used to and not being that placid agreeable creature that some people assume she is. So I guess I’ll just try to go with the flow and see how she turns out… Much like with her brother, who has no “syndrome” (that we know of), but is proving to be an active and tiring baby to look after! So do I project and assume he’ll always be hard work?!! No! Let’s just see what happens…!

We’ve come a long way, babies

I have a tendency to project. Always wanting to be at the next stage of life, always worrying about what’s next, definitely struggling to live in the now.

Today I sat with Audrey whilst she fed herself a yoghurt and her younger brother napped upstairs in his cot. I took a breath and marvelled at where I sat, how far we have come.

In Rex’s tiny speck of a lifetime (7 and a half months), he has gone from only sleeping in the sling or on me at night, to sleeping in a buggy, cot or sling, sleeping at night (in his Sleepyhead) in a cot from around 7pm to 4 or 5am. He sometimes even settles without a fuss. We sit and eat dinner without the sound of a crying baby and I sleep for one long stretch rather than I’m tiny 1 or 2 hours stints. He is eating well and taking formula happily now the booby is no more. He crawls, pulls to stand, cruises along the furniture, claps his hands and is a happy boy.

Audrey has taken independent steps, continues to amaze us with her language and has an ability to make me cry with joy on a daily basis.

Once upon a time, Audrey wouldn’t eat food off a plate (she was so used to the high chair table). We worked so hard to get her to eat off a plate, but she would only accept one piece of food at a time! I mention this because the other week at Whoopsadaisy I put cheese and crackers on her plate and someone said “She’s having different foods on the same plate now?” And it took me a while to understand what they meant! Because I had forgotten how hard we worked to get Audrey to accept a plate of varied food. Just like I can now give her a spoon and a yoghurt and she just eats (she used to get stroppy and say “Mummy do it!!”).

Audrey asks to use the potty, she often drinks from an open cup. Rex holds his own bottle, he responds well to us signing “milk” and “food”.

They achieve great things and all I can do is think “Yes, but I wish she fed herself every meal time..” Or “Yes, but I wish he was sleeping through until 6.30am…” I need to be satisfied with how far we have come!

I guess sometimes it feels like baby steps (no pun intended), but we are getting there – both of my beauties are coming along and making me proud every day. 

The Joy of Rex


Poor Rex came into this world with Audrey’s footsteps (or bum-shuffle tunnel) to follow in. 

We have been hard on him because he’s been hard on us. But at the end of the day (although the day never seems to end with him!), he’s just a baby. Granted, a more difficult one, but still…

People tell us he’s very cute. He’s a pretty boy. What a lovely baby. We say “Yeah he’s alright”.

It is hard to enjoy a baby that is unsettled and waking a lot a night. Sleep depravation has made me snappy and crazy at times. I want to adore him the way I adore Audrey, but I think that’s going to take some time.

Rex is almost 6 months old and we have come a lot way since the “sleeping on me” days, even if we haven’t quite reached the peak of happiness we are hoping for… Anyway, I can say lots of positive things about him, because in truth, he is a bonnie baby (as well as a mighty mighty sh*tbag).

1. He loves a laugh. When he has slept and fed, he is generally quite a happy soul and Rex thinks peekaboo, sneezes, bouncing balls and the door bouncer are lots of fun.

2. He adores his sister. He gazes at Audrey with love and finds her very entertaining, it’s such a lovely thing to see developing.

3. He is very curious about the world. He grabs everything and anything and he loves to explore. 

4. He has amazing hair. Like a Muppet.

5. He has excellent leg chunk.

6. He has soft milky white skin like marshmallow. 

7. He has my eyelashes (as does Audrey) – these will serve him well.

We love you Rex, you little monster! But you had better sleep better soon!

Typical challenges

It’s early to acknowledge this (given we only have 3 months of experience with a “typical” child), but I’ve started thinking about how different this journey is going to be in comparison to our experience with Audrey.

We’ve joked our house is Audrey-proof, but not child-proof. Audrey picks up things and hands them to us… “Daddy’s” she says, passing me some headphones, “Mummy’s juice” she says proudly, pointing at my glass of drink (not touching it). She is gentle, she is careful and she can barely reach/climb/have the strength to pull things over. Rex will be very different and it’s scaring me already. 

So funny to feel like parenting a “typical” baby is a pain in the bum. “He’s so sturdy!” we exclaim, with worried looks. “He’ll be an early walker” people tell us, and we exchange terrified glances. We are used to slow-mo growth; example – Rex is nearly 4 months old, he is wearing age 3-6 months (stands to reason) and Audrey wore these clothes around 10 months! It really puts into perspective how small she was. How small she is.

And with that we have an almost 3 year old who can’t walk. She started bum-shuffling at 18 months, all that time we had a “baby”. Rex is going to seem like a fast-forward monster child! I already call him chunk and he’s just a reasonable size, poor kid.

I say “poor kid”, but he’s still a real challenge, so it’s “poor us” really. He wakes a lot, still only sleeps well in the sling for daytime naps and can be generally unhappy just hanging out on his play mat. I am really banking on solids and sitting up changing him, I think he would prefer an upright view and he would enjoy some food, but God help us if that makes no difference! Eek.

I still recognise that people must think it’s nuts that I talk about our experience with Audrey as easy (Down’s Syndrome, oxygen canisters, tests and appointments and worries about her future…), but that Rex is hard. But no one has a baby expecting that much of your time together is stressful and he can make things stressful just being so whiny and needy. 

That aside, he is beautiful and he loves a laugh – I can already see that his sister is going to be such a great friend to him- he looks at her with love already and she makes him smile. They are fabulous children and one day Rexy, one day we will look back and laugh about how difficult you were!