Life changes

Audrey is 10 months old and as the cliche goes… They really do grown up so fast.

She’ll be at nursery 2 days a week and with Grandma 1 day, whilst I try to remember how to “work”. How on earth will I get on back in the “real” world?!

Anyway, everyone keeps saying how it’ll be good for me, that I’ll get a bit of “me” back and good for Audrey as she will get a more balanced week too (not so mummy heavy!). I am sure this is true, we will both benefit, but what I will say is, nothing will ever get me back to “me” as I’m just not that person anymore. I really don’t want this to sound negative, but I guess another part of having a baby that I wasn’t prepared for, is how much it changes you as a person. I was reading an interview with Drew Barrymore this morning and she said;

“Being a mum is incredible, but it’s hard work, all day long. It does feel like 99 per cent of your time is for the baby and one per cent is for you. And that one per cent still comes with an avalanche of guilt. You’re like, “Oh God, it’s ten o’clock at night and I’m watching bad television. Yes, she’s asleep, but is this OK?” It’s like you’re doing something you’re not supposed to be doing”.

I do believe some women can probably make the split different, but I’m definitely there with Drew and my measly 1%!

Back at work I can be safe in the knowledge she is looked after well, but I do feel odd that a 20 year old stranger (who works at the nursery) is her “key person” and is in charge of her all day, 2 days a week. It’s going ok though.

I guess I’m just looking forward to a time when each bottle/nap time/food needs to be on time and go well – I need to chill out basically and time apart should help!

On that note… Off I go to a hen weekend with Audrey spending two nights with Grandma. Our first nights apart since she was in the baby unit (and that doesn’t count!!). Yikes.