One morning, as I laid in bed, with both of my children snuggled either side of me… Rex (who is eight), asked “Who is your favourite child?”. Of course I tried to side step and make light of this one by asking “Out of all the children in the world??”, but unfortunately he clarified “No, out of me and Audrey!”. And then they proceeded to push and pull saying “Me! It’s Me!”.

Naturally, I told them they are both my favourites and they were left unsatisfied.

But it sparked some thoughts. Because when Audrey was born, I guess I thought she could never be the favourite. She would always be the disabled child, making her somehow “less”. I do not type this lightly, I like to be raw and honest, and I remember, even after ‘accepting’ she had Down’s Syndrome and loving her, I still had that yearning to have a “normal child”. I don’t think I thought I’d be complete as a mother or that our family would be complete unless I made a “normal” child and raised it. The first time this feeling was banished was when we lost our second pregnancy (at a thankfully very early ten weeks). It was at that moment, where we had a scan and it was confirmed that we were no longer pregnant, that I gazed upon my eighteen month old (what were we thinking?!) beautiful Audrey, and I felt so incredibly grateful for her. I felt blessed and happy and realised that I no longer needed that “normal kid” and that if were unable to produce another child, well that was ok because Audrey was enough.

And let me just say, Audrey was a bit of a dreamy child at that age. She was as cute as can be, chatty, outgoing and as she could only bum shuffle, she didn’t run off anywhere and she was often perfectly content eating blueberries whilst I had a nice coffee somewhere. She napped in the cot at home so I could get stuff done or have a rest, she truly made me feel like I was bossing this whole mum malarkey.

And so, having proved herself to be an absolute angel and make me realise I was being a right dick for wishing for that “normal child”, she was not only my absolute favourite kid in the world, she had completed our family. But of course, she actually hadn’t… because we were lucky enough to get pregnant again and have that pregnancy result in Audrey’s baby brother, Rex. Rex arrived when Audrey was two and half, she was still not walking, still in nappies.

My expectations of the baby sleeping and Audrey and I continuing to live our lives (music groups, coffee dates, chill time), came crashing down around my ears when Rex turned out to be a bit of an unsettled baby who like to sleep on my body and hated the buggy (unless it was moving). So Audrey kept her prime spot as the favourite and Rex remained a blessing, but one that had me thinking regularly “I can’t do this” and “Why did we do this again so soon?”.

It was a very different experience to be the mother of Rex pre-two. He managed to make me feel like I was definitely not bossing the mum thing and I abandoned all ideas of more babies, having previously hoped for four children. But it wasn’t all doom and gloom and the two of them together unlocked a new level of love and magical moments.

At eight and ten, they are both a challenge at times, but sooo much easier than those early days and so much fun. Rex has become such a curious, clever little boy and Audrey surprises me with her knowledge every day.

Ted and I have often joked that Audrey is our favourite, (I think your first born always has a special place in your heart), but the fact is, they are both so flipping fantastic in their own different ways, it is impossible to choose!