Attention!

I’ve made no secret of the fact that when Audrey was born, that little face that showed she was “different” flooded my brain with negative thoughts.

Would people want to spend time with us? I assumed not. Would they whisper about us? Stare? Strangely I imagined her finding it hard to make friends. In fact, I thought everything would be hard for Audrey and for me.

In reality, she was a baby. A baby with a tube on her face, yes. A baby with an obvious “condition”, but she could still enjoy a coffee shop visit and baby group like any other baby. I had definitely underestimated humans in general, but I had an awesome NCT crew who were always there for me and were not phased in the slightest by Audrey having Down’s syndrome.

Inside I was still constantly surprised by how welcomed we were at baby groups, how it was never a big deal. I emailed ahead to book for baby massage, with a hard lump in my throat I would type “my daughter has Down’s syndrome and is on oxygen” and the reply was warm and… normal. My place confirmed, in fact I can remember the teacher’s words along the lines of “this class will be perfect for her…” and once there, she was fawned over like any cute baby.

Of course, we’ve had the odd strange incident, but it was less-so staring/nudging/whispering, more straight forward “My friend had one of those, couldn’t talk” or “What’s with the tube on her face?” – the bluntness was laughable. And of course she was (still is) small for her age, so you get a sympathetic head tilt or the question “Was she prem (premature)?” when discussing her age. She wasn’t premature (she was a few days late), but I found the confused look that followed that answer so uncomfortable, I would sometimes just say yes! Ha.

Once she was off O2, sitting up and joining in, quite simply the staring, the whispering, the attention: it was all there but not in the way I had dreaded. Audrey was (is!) a superstar. People are drawn to her because she is cute, friendly and funny. She was often a very enthusiastic participant in music groups, clapping, singing, head shaking. She says hello to anyone, asks people’s names, approaches children/babies when they are crying to see if they are ok. I’m more surprised now if people don’t stare, if they’re not interested in her, because she is interesting!

Since starting school, we’ve found a whole new audience. When we arrive at school, if we are early and waiting for the gate to open, I often see the nudges… older girls look at her like a living doll, they are like walking heart eye emojis gazing at Audrey. People shout “Hello Audrey!” when we are out and about and she gets presents/pictures/notes in her school bag from her friends at school. She marches into school with enthusiasm each day (often saying “Good morning” to the teachers at the gate) and she bounces out each afternoon and throws her arms around me. She is exceeding those low expectations I had of her in those early days (based on an outdated view), everyday.

I’ve actually written this because of a little Instagram post that sparked a few questions and comments from mothers of children with DS/other special needs who wanted to know more.

I know that our experience doesn’t cover everyone else’s – we are lucky in that her needs are not as complex as some, but we’ve had our moments. We’ve had to leave noisy parties and take time outs from events – sometimes I’ve felt uncomfortable in those situations, I’ve felt stared at. Those occasions are rare and the upside of the whole experience of having a child who is different is the immense joy we take in the little things she excels at and achieves,

I never knew that Audrey would have this way about her that would make me want to show her off to as many people as possible. I never expected to feel like I was accompanying a celebrity to the park! So, I say… bring on the stares!

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Break from the Old Routine

Today Rex is going to his last session at the nursery Audrey first attended age 10 months in 2014.

If you don’t know by now, I do get incredibly attached to things. Places. People. Garments. Routines. Buggies(!). So it’s a very big deal to be leaving. It was a tough decision, but Rex has gone down to one day a week there since September last year (when we added a day of preschool) and he started to express a preference for preschool for some reason.

We felt we needed nursery (because it runs all year around, plus we can add extra sessions with short notice), so we were very reluctant to let it go. However Rex is starting school next year, so maybe it’s no big thing to deal attempt the work/school hours juggle a bit earlier…?

I will miss the Wednesday calm time, because Ted takes Rex to nursery, I get to take Audrey to school and pick her up alone, spending an afternoon with her, knowing she will calming eat her dinner at the table (Rex is not a fan of dinners). However, this isn’t a reason to keep up the expense of nursery. I have to embrace change (annoyingly), I realise that eventually the scary new routine becomes second nature pretty quickly.

But still, we are leaving a nursery that took my little baby girl all those years ago and helped her to learn so much. Audrey always loved nursery. Rex has mostly loved it. But I guess I’ve loved it the most, because there is nothing quite like knowing your child can be somewhere 8am to 6pm and be safe and cared for with a strong routine, good food, friends, learning… it was great for Ted and I to have “day dates” when the kids were at nursery!

But the time has come to move on and get used to the juggle of work and school holidays because we have many more years of that to come!